Please Delete this dA, I have no further use for it.

There's a part of me that I'm not quite sure I'll ever come to grips with. Ever come to understand. To know and see what heroism truly is. Neither of which is based on ability or power, but based soley on the drive that comes from doing what is right and just.

And such things are not dependant on negative outcomes. No great disaster is needed. Heroism, lives in us all. Being the man that women need. Being the woman that men need.

It is not only in the respect that we have to all people, who are equally as lost and lied to as us. But also in that we can go above and beyond the call of what is asked of us, to do what we are intrinsicly designed to do.

Love.

With all of our hearts. Without fear, and without fail.

To bring life into eachother. Because we cannot bring life into ourselves...

I realize one thing...

When it really comes down to it... My favorite form of art is Pencil. I haven't touched a pencil this semester except to take tests. But...

All the work I've been doing is Digital... I wanted to...

I wanted to keep my pencil style I realized. But at the same time I saw the Gods of artwork and anime. The pros. Their fine lines, and their wonderful beautiful illustrations.

I think I made the right choice. But I still...

I want to take my pencil and draw, and think that it's the best thing ever..

<Sighs>

I mean... My artwork has significantly improved, but... Some people. They look surprised when I tell them that I've never touched a colored pencil before. Never held a brush. Only smelled paint.

I went to University to find myself.

I didn't 'know' I'd go into graphic design. I choose it because I saw these amazing people in there... But as for me... I surprise some people, but I'm nothing compared to these others artists..

It all goes back to... My Media teacher in Brooklyn Tech. Heh.

I was cutting every single day, and I had to break into the school just to reach my Media Class. I 'really' don't remember his name...

I was totally kickass in Math and English.

I Bombed history. I used to cut PE to swim in the Pool. LOL, I acted like I couldn't speak English to keep swimming.

He always told me. Change Majors. The only thing I've got going for me in any field is hard work. But I've got no consistency and no creativity. Just these shorts bursts. I find inspiration, I use it and drain myself.

...

Truth is, after that I tried alot of stuff. Odd Jobs in New York, from Moving Boxes, to fixing Lazer Tag Suits, and then Network Admin.

But I'm always drawing.

The only thing I really like is taking a pencil. A 'real' pencil. Against a long sheet of recycled paper. And making a curved line. Over and over and over. It becomes a deeper line.

Sometimes, I get angled lines from it.

Sometimes I get circles.

But, that doesn't make me an artist.

Sometimes I just stop and watch people, for instance. Today I was in the cafeteria alone. A few people asked to join me, and I told them I was waiting for someone.

And in a sense I was.

Watching people carry their trays, those things that you only thought you saw in yourself. But they're in other people as well. Forgetting your fork, just because someone talked to you. Always going to the wrong line, when you know of a more efficient way. Leaving your coat behind as you put away your tray.

I wonder, if everyone else whose sitting alone at their tables, are also watching what I see. Is that why they look out? Or are they doing it to seem unaware, of the people staring at them

It happens from time to time, especially when I think about this song. I've been trying to express this song to other people. I've even written some midis of it. But... I've never been able to share it with other people.

I wake up with this song in my head every single morning.

It hurts my heart. But it's during these times that I'm most alone. What I'm about to say, is going to seem very conceited... But please believe me. I am not.

---

So great. Is the numbers that have stopped caring. The rules are no longer in how much we can help others, but in how we can justify our injustices.

Whether people have chosen Attention or Materialism as their God.

So few, are able to press past their pride. This is the message that I long to send out. That there are people in the world that can place others as their priority BEFORE themselves.

There are lives that people live, so rich because the things they recieve are never requested... And the things they give are never demanded...

The Love they have for others have no conditions. They're meant to last. And sometimes they don't have as much as we have. But unlike us, it's 'enough'...

To us, it's never enough. Because we've lost our way.

---

This is the message I long to send out... But I can't.

Too many people in this world don't care. They want to find another temporary relationship, they want the next leveling game, they want the next movie to come out. Just waiting to get their next laugh in...

The things, that never last.